On Shame

workshop in English

40%ROPE

30%RITUAL

30%SM

0%PARTY

Shame more than laws govern the world. A monopoly of external violence enforces the law, while shame is internally self-regulating based on what we believe is right and wrong. And very often, we are harsh judges and deem ourselves unlovable. Playing with shame is paradoxical because we consciously and consensually invite another into this internal process. May it be a loved one or a witnessing audience. And hopefully, their violently harsh and caretakingly sweet judgements are more loveable than our self-sabotaging and limiting beliefs. Kill it with love, and marvel at the process. Closely related are humiliation and degradation, to be put below something, abandoning all pride, being made one with the earth’s dirt. Descending this abyss makes us humble towards who deserves it. Or perhaps life itself.

Playing with shame requires elegance, as it is an emotionally masochistic journey. Too much physical hardship scares the shy shame away, so one must master their bondage and whip to a level where they become keys to the subconscious. Just as physical masochism, shame raises arousal, blood rushing to reddening cheeks, and therefore marries well with esoteric eroticism. But if it’s too much, we shut down, disassociate, and freeze. It’s a tender balancing act. Many are often also ashamed of their sexuality for being too much, too sluty, or not being enough, too prude. The madonna and the whore. Temporarily leaving these intimate judgements to another allows one to indulge, submit and surrender.

Shame is also at the heart of erotic rope bondage; by exposing, shaping and presenting the body, we touch the mind and soul. Physically challenging ties partially suspended in the air may serve to wither down the protective walls that we so desperately try to lower by ourselves. To let others in, to be vulnerable. Did I say that consent is key? And so is the face because it is how we present ourselves to the world, in language and gestures; it wears the duality crown of beauty and intellect. Expect clamped tounges, devious seductive words, drips of drool, and rope-leased necks beckoned to follow along. But, most foremost, expect to be seen in your shame, vulnerability and beauty.

Below is some inspiration for reading and packing in preparation for Shame.

Reading list:

Our Fucked Up Eros

It’s An Emotional Journey

Why Shame?

Sadomasochistic Realities

The Act Of Undressing

Dedication To Drooling

We Are All Performers

Packing list:

– a strong stick—one-and-a-half meter long

– a gag—preferably a ball, or just something ball-like that fits your mouth, maybe an apple

– a mirror—preferably handheld

– a soothing item—a vintage hair brush, silky soft fabric, or your favourite plush animal

– a cloth pin—wood is a beautiful material

– a small decorative bowl—perhaps intended for tea or even a teacup

– a serving dish—could be a silver tray, your grandma’s porcelain, or a heavy wooden chopping board

– a square piece of fabric, Chinese silk folding fan, or glossy x-rated magazine from the 70s—for hiding behind/underneath

– a marker for writing on your skin—you decide how permanent, perhaps a lipstick
– six to nine ropes—plus suspension gear if you are fancy

Andy Buru's present work aims to create magical rooms where people can rest, heal and grow in their relationships to surrender, power and desire. He moves between art and therapy. In the arts, Andy ventures for the maximum risk he can afford in the present to challenge the status quo. Therapy is the opposite by being the safest possible road leading to things known to restore balance and goodness. Both require a special kind of bravery. During Andy's twenty years of exploring sadomasochism, he has been a leather master, an owned slave, a hedonist, a purist magician, and a princess slut.